At a marriage festival where friends and relatives rejoiced together, Christ began His public ministry by performing His first miracle. Thus He sanctioned marriage, recognizing it as an institution that He Himself had established. He ordained that men and women should be united in holy wedlock, to rear families whose members, crowned with honor, should be recognized as members of the family above.
Christ honored the marriage relation by also making it a symbol of the union between Him and His redeemed ones. He Himself is the Bridegroom; the bride is the church, of which, as His chosen one, He says, “‘You are all fair, my love, and there is no spot in you.’” Song of Solmon 4:7.
Christ “loved the church and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it ... that it should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives.” Ephesians 5:25-28.
The family tie is the closest, the most tender and sacred, of any on earth. It was designed to be a blessing. And it is a blessing wherever the marriage covenant is entered into intelligently, in the fear of God, and with due consideration for its responsibilities.
Those who are contemplating marriage should consider what will be the character and influence of the home they are founding. As they become parents, a sacred trust is committed to them. Upon them depends in a great measure the well-being of their children in this world and their happiness in the world to come. To a great extent they determine both the physical and moral stamp that their little ones receive. And upon the character of the home depends the condition of society. Each family’s influence helps either to elevate it or degrade it.
The choice of a life companion should be such as best to secure physical, mental, and spiritual well-being for parents and for their children—such as will enable both parents and children to bless other people and honor their Creator.
Before assuming the responsibilities involved in marriage, young men and young women should have such an experience in practical life as will prepare them for its duties and burdens. Early marriages should not be encouraged. A relation as important as marriage and so far-reaching in its results should not be entered upon hastily, without sufficient preparation and before the mental and physical powers are well developed.
The parties may not have worldly wealth, but they should have the far greater blessing of health. And in most cases they should not be far apart in age. A neglect of this rule may result in seriously impairing the health of the younger. And often the children are robbed of physical and mental strength. They cannot receive from an aged parent the care and companionship that their young lives demand, and they may be deprived by death of the father or the mother at the very time when love and guidance are most needed.
Only in Christ can a marriage alliance be safely formed. Human love should draw its closest bonds from divine love. Only where Christ reigns can there be deep, true, unselfish affection.
Love Is a Principle
Love is a precious gift that we receive from Jesus. Pure and holy affection is not a feeling but a principle. Those who are actuated by true love are neither unreasonable nor blind. Taught by the Holy Spirit, they love God supremely and their neighbor as themselves.Let those who are contemplating marriage weigh every sentiment and watch every development of character in the one with whom they think to unite their life destiny. Let every step toward a marriage alliance be characterized by modesty, simplicity, sincerity, and an earnest purpose to please and honor God. Marriage affects the life of the couple both in this world and in the world to come. A sincere Christian will make no plans that God cannot approve.
If you are blessed with God-fearing parents, seek counsel of them. Open to them your hopes and plans, learn the lessons that their life experiences have taught, and you will be saved many a heartache. Above all, make Christ your counselor. Study His Word with prayer.
Under such guidance let a young woman accept as a life companion only one who possesses pure, manly traits of character, one who is diligent, aspiring, and honest, one who loves and fears God. Let a young man seek one to stand by his side who is fitted to bear her share of life’s burdens, one whose influence will ennoble and refine him, and who will make him happy in her love.
“A prudent wife is from the Lord.” “The heart of her husband safely trusts her. ... She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.” “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her,” saying, “‘Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.’” “He who finds [such] a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 19:14; 31:11, 12, 26-29; 18:22.
However carefully and wisely marriage may have been entered into, few couples are completely united when the marriage ceremony is performed. The real union of the two in wedlock is the work of the years that follow.
As life with its burden of perplexity and care meets the newly wedded pair, the romance with which imagination so often invests marriage disappears. Husband and wife learn each other’s character as it was impossible to learn it in their previous association. This is a most critical period in their experience. Their happiness and usefulness in future years depend upon their taking a right course now. Often they discern in each other unsuspected weaknesses and defects, but the hearts that love has united will also discern excellencies unseen before. Let all seek to discover the excellencies rather than the defects.
Often it is our own attitude, the atmosphere that surrounds ourselves, that determines what will be revealed to us in another. There are many who regard the expression of love as a weakness, and they maintain a reserve that repels others. This spirit checks the current of sympathy. As the social and generous impulses are repressed, they wither, and the heart becomes desolate and cold. We should beware of this error. Love cannot long exist without expression. Let not the heart of one connected with you starve for the want of kindness and sympathy.
Though difficulties, perplexities, and discouragements may arise, let neither husband nor wife harbor the thought that their union is a mistake or a disappointment. Determine to be all that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the early attentions. In every way encourage each other in fighting the battles of life. Study to advance the happiness of the other. Let there be mutual love, mutual forbearance. Then marriage, instead of being the end of love, will be, as it were, the very beginning of love. The warmth of true friendship, the love that binds heart to heart, is a foretaste of the joys of heaven.
Around every family there is a sacred circle that should be kept unbroken. Within this circle no other person has a right to come. Let not the husband or the wife permit another to share the confidences that belong solely to themselves.
Let each give love rather than exact it. Cultivate that which is noblest in yourselves, and be quick to recognize the good qualities in the other. The consciousness of being appreciated is a wonderful stimulus and satisfaction. Sympathy and respect encourage one to strive toward excellence, and love itself increases as it stimulates to nobler aims.
Neither the husband nor the wife should merge his or her individuality in that of the other. Each has a personal relation to God. Of Him each is to ask, “What is right?” “What is wrong?” “How may I best fulfill life’s purpose?” Let the wealth of your affection flow forth to Him who gave His life for you. Make Christ first and last and best in everything. As your love for Him becomes deeper and stronger, your love for each other will be purified and strengthened.
The spirit that Christ manifests toward us is the spirit that husband and wife are to manifest toward each other. “As Christ also has loved us,” “walk in love.” “As the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it.” Ephesians 5:2, 24, 25.
Neither the husband nor the wife should attempt to exercise arbitrary control over the other. Do not try to compel each other to yield to your wishes. You cannot do this and retain each other’s love. Be kind, patient, and forbearing, considerate, and courteous. By the grace of God you can succeed in making each other happy, as in your marriage vow you promised to do.
Happiness in Unselfish Service
But remember that happiness will not be found in shutting yourselves up to yourselves, satisfied to pour out all your affection upon each other. Seize every opportunity to contribute to the happiness of those around you. Remember that true joy can be found only in unselfish service.Forbearance and unselfishness mark the words and acts of all who live the new life in Christ. As you seek to live His life, striving to conquer self and selfishness and to minister to the needs of others, you will gain victory after victory. Thus your influence will bless the world.
Men and women can reach God’s ideal for them if they will take Christ as their Helper. What human wisdom cannot do, His grace will accomplish for those who give themselves to Him in loving trust. His providence can unite hearts in bonds that are of heavenly origin. Love will not be a mere exchange of soft and flattering words. The loom of heaven weaves with warp and woof finer, yet more firm, than can be woven by the looms of earth. The result is not a delicate fabric but a texture that will bear wear and test and trial. Heart will be bound to heart in the golden bonds of a love that is enduring.
Better than gold is a peaceful home,
Where all the fireside charities come;
The shrine of love and the heaven of life,
Hallowed by mother, or sister, or wife.
However humble the home may be,
Or tried with sorrows by Heaven’s decree,
The blessings that never were bought or sold,
And center there, are better than gold.
Anon.